B.S. Phraseology 101

I am not sure what is it about going to the theater that permits me to overhear absurd statements by young women but, yesterday after seeing August: Osage County by Tracy Letts, I heard a young woman say, "I like to read. But, you know, like, not literary stuff." "What's left?" I thought, "Cereal boxes?" So, in honor of all things absurd, I am collecting ridiculous phrases. If anyone can think of one to add, please be my guest.

Examples may include but, are not limited to: self-delusion, military doublespeak and plain, old B.S. Here's just a few to get us started:

• "My doctor has me on a low dose."
• "The check's in the mail."
• "I promise I'll pull out."
• "World-class architecture."
• "Collateral damage."
• "You look beautiful in the dark." (Doesn't everybody?)

PS: The cat photo is just to show what can happen when a large amount of humans pursue devolution through nonsense. Other more noble species are quite capable of standing up and filling in the void.

Knitwit Erotica

These are some of the images I grew up with in the 70's: crochet bikinis promoting vague (yet, potentially soggy) athleticism, interracial harmony, and easy sexuality. McCall's made it seem as if we could all knit our way to world peace. Despite the creepy nostril and mustache in the background of the less-than-subtle "EASY TO MAKE" photo, I still find myself strongly drawn to these styles. It's my inner nun speaking, I'm sure but, I'm rather surprised that they haven't made a comeback. Go figure.

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By the way, it helps to rock out to the MC5 when looking at these clothes:

(Actually, almost everything is better while listening to the MC5.)Or, if you're in the mood for something lighter, watch Goldie Hawn on Laugh-In:

Mighty Eagle?

Many of us associate the powerful voice of the Red-Tailed Hawk as belonging to the American Bald Eagle. It's a strange and absurd bit of propaganda and if you watch the videos below you'll see what I mean. First, listen to the hawk. Then, hear the rather pathetic voice of the eagle in the second video. Even the seagull in the background makes more noise! In the third video it sounds very like a certain formerly drug-addled, lame duck.

De Yewts of Today

Overheard last night at BAM's Harvey Theater where Fiona Shaw is currently performing in Samuel Beckett's A Good Day: Two women approximately 18 years old were leaving the theater when one said to the other, "I hate it when something is supposed to be serious and people laugh." "Shit," I think, "There goes my whole reason for existing." Are kids today really so humorless and without sense of irony? It pains me to see such lovely, unlined skin and naturally colored hair wasted on the young.

Again with the Big Head

I'm starting to see a theme here: Celtic people have big heads. Or, maybe it's just the brown-haired, blue-eyed girls. Just check out the one below. The blond doesn't stand a chance. When head-measuring becomes an Olympic sport, we will take the world by storm. Mark my words. In case you are wondering just how big your head is compared to others, there's a site that will tell you . I'm in the 92-94th percentile. Want to measure your head to see how you compare? Head Measure