Waaa!!

Like the corners of his mind, Anderson Theodopolis knows far too well the tedium of helping out around the house, "I have awful memories of how my father used to make me do boring stuff on weekends all the time. He polluted my time with unfun tasks." Recounting the numerous days he was made to sweep leaves, clean out gutters and do other tasks too onerous to mention Theodopolis says, "You don't understand. Manual labor is horrifying to me." Holding up both lily-white, baby-smooth hands he continues, "These are the uncalloused hands of a man who uses his mind. They weren't meant for difficult labor." Indeed, upon closer inspection his hands do have a rather delicate quality Theodopolis says he sometimes struggles to maintain. "My wife doesn't get it. She's like my dad. She thinks I should help out around the house. I say, I can always hire someone to do all that stuff." But does he? "Oh, no. I'm too busy but I could if I wanted."

Oh, Holy Night

A strange and perhaps even miraculous phenomenon occurred last night when visions of the President's face appeared in dinners across the country. At press time, unsubstantiated stories of the same were also reported in places as far away as England, France, Germany and Tokyo. Peter Mongo of Half-Moon Bay, California discovered the President's face at around seven o'clock at night in his 3-bean burrito. Says Mongo, "I was just about to dig in when I saw it. I shouted, 'That's Obama!' and all these people gathered around me. I was, like, totally mobbed." In Texas Janet and Robert Wilkenson were at their favorite steak house in Houston when they noticed the grinning face of the President staring up from Mr. Wilkenson's porterhouse. "I told him not to eat it. We voted for McCain." "I don't know what to think" says her husband. "But there's no denying it was his face. My whole world has been turned upside down." Peter Walinsky of Bangor, Maine was cooking up some chicken and rice for himself and his two cats, Earl and Scruggs when he saw the image of the President's face in his saucepan. "I took a photo of the stew to document the event but unlike everyone else who saw the President's face in their food last night, I ate mine. Maybe I should have had it preserved in Lucite and offered it to the Smithsonian but me and the boys were hungry and there was nothing else in the house to eat." Authorities are not sure what if anything this all means and the Vatican would not publicly comment on whether or not the sightings constituted an actual miracle. Though one person who works there and who spoke on the condition of anonymity said, "Well, it sure looks like what we've seen before with the image of Jesus turning up in all sorts of items of food. But, no, I don't actually believe this signals that Mr. Obama is the Second Coming." The President's face also made appearances in a spicy toro roll, a Shepherd's pie, and fish soup amongst other delicious dishes.

Oh, Happy Day

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In a happy twist of fate, Jennifer Ladybug, nee Coccinella septempunctata, discovered late yesterday afternoon that despite stories to the contrary, her house was not on fire and her children were just fine.

"I was cheerily going about my business eating some aphids in the garden when two small human females stood over me and began reciting the most dreadful words I have ever heard. It seemed they had practiced it before because they said it in unison:

Ladybug, ladybug fly away home

your house is on fire and your children are alone.

Well, I flew home straight away and found that everyone was fine the house was not on fire and my children were still very much under the watchful eye of their auntie."

Pausing only to take a deep breath she then continued, "Can you imagine saying such things if they weren't true? Clearly these girls could do with some therapy."

Nearby, Pamela Spider had this to say,

"If you think that's bad you ought to hear their creepy song about itsy bitsy spiders."