I guess I woke up on the wrong side of the New Year so, forgive me in advance, those of you who have spent your hard-inherited wealth on any of these unsightly architectural features but, it's time to take aim and fire. My beef, as always, is with the architects and so I am not going to discuss fugly interior furnishings at all. Besides, I clearly remember when as a teenager, I believed
hot pink was a great choice for my bedroom door and my radiator cover. This was made worse when I discovered
mauve and repainted said door and radiator cover in that awful, awful color. Bleech! So, until I recover from my own teenage color palate, I am sticking to going after the real modern-day villains of the American landscape: developers and architects. Here is a photo list of some truly Heinous Home-Design Mistakes:
1. The McMansion. Yours for only $9.95m
2. The Flag pole in front of the McMansion (Not strictly speaking, the fault of any architect but, super-cheesy unless you happen to reside in a post office.)
3. The three-car garage. (Really adds to that municipal parking feeling.)
4. Interior columns. Ionic, Doric or Corinthian: what exactly is the point? To make your home look like a court house or a library? They're about as charming as having Vivaldi's
Four Seasons piped throughout the fillings in your teeth. Unless of course, you're mafiosi in which case, they're
lovely!
5. Pointless cathedral ceilings. If you're not saying mass everyday in your living room, why have ceilings so high? The scale is all wrong. Cathedral ceilings don't in and of themselves, impart grandeur. Sometimes high ceilings just look dumb especially when all the other necessary features are missing like, say, a vaulted wood overlay and $2m worth of art on the walls. (We won't even discuss the central air vent way up high on the right.)
6. The sunken ceiling. Who even came up with this wacky idea? Is this in case your ego suddenly grows as large as your 5,000 square-foot house and expands upward?
7. Fugly marble tiles in the bathroom that allow realtors to claim that the house has "marble baths." There is marble and there is
marble and it doesn't come from Home Depot. (Nor is it usually paired with another color, notice the brown tub and the white floor.)
I guess I woke up on the wrong side of the New Year so, forgive me in advance, those of you who have spent your hard-inherited wealth on any of these unsightly architectural features but, it's time to take aim and fire. My beef, as always, is with the architects and so I am not going to discuss fugly interior furnishings at all. Besides, I clearly remember when as a teenager, I believed hot pink was a great choice for my bedroom door and my radiator cover. This was made worse when I discovered mauve and repainted said door and radiator cover in that awful, awful color. Bleech! So, until I recover from my own teenage color palate, I am sticking to going after the real modern-day villains of the American landscape: developers and architects. Here is a photo list of some truly Heinous Home-Design Mistakes:
1. The McMansion. Yours for only $9.95m
2. The Flag pole in front of the McMansion (Not strictly speaking, the fault of any architect but, super-cheesy unless you happen to reside in a post office.)
3. The three-car garage. (Really adds to that municipal parking feeling.)
4. Interior columns. Ionic, Doric or Corinthian: what exactly is the point? To make your home look like a court house or a library? They're about as charming as having Vivaldi's Four Seasons piped throughout the fillings in your teeth. Unless of course, you're mafiosi in which case, they're lovely!
5. Pointless cathedral ceilings. If you're not saying mass everyday in your living room, why have ceilings so high? The scale is all wrong. Cathedral ceilings don't in and of themselves, impart grandeur. Sometimes high ceilings just look dumb especially when all the other necessary features are missing like, say, a vaulted wood overlay and $2m worth of art on the walls. (We won't even discuss the central air vent way up high on the right.)
6. The sunken ceiling. Who even came up with this wacky idea? Is this in case your ego suddenly grows as large as your 5,000 square-foot house and expands upward?
7. Fugly marble tiles in the bathroom that allow realtors to claim that the house has "marble baths." There is marble and there is marble and it doesn't come from Home Depot. (Nor is it usually paired with another color, notice the brown tub and the white floor.)
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