With so many opinions to guide you through your holiday shopping what you may really need is a guide of what
not to buy. Some of us remember the bad gifts we've been given even more than the good ones if only because the trauma was so extreme. Keeping that in mind, here's a preliminary assortment of some really bad choices. Don't say you weren't warned if you choose to purchase some of these items for your nearest and dearest.
1.
Tired Old Ass Cream. It claims to be effective for exhaustion but it doesn't say whose tired old ass it was made from. $10.95 (Wholefoods)
2.
Vulva Balm. Not sure what its purpose is or why the manufacturer thought that it is a good idea for vulvas to smell like gypsies or jasmine.
(Though I did notice that there are no vulva-scented products on the market. So, perhaps that explains something.) $16.00 (Wholefoods)
3.
Carbolized Mutton Tallow. It is made from sheep fat treated with phenol, a strong corrosive poison and a derivative of benzene. Mmmm, try slathering some of
that on your chapped lips. $8.95 (Lehmans.com)
4.
Pure Emu Oil. Made from real live (or maybe dead by now) emus. It supposedly thickens the skin and reduces the formation of wrinkles. The writing on the bottle doesn't explain how they got the emus to give up their precious oil. Can one actually squeeze an emu? However they get the oil, it probably isn't pretty. $17.95 (Lehmans.com)
With so many opinions to guide you through your holiday shopping what you may really need is a guide of what not to buy. Some of us remember the bad gifts we've been given even more than the good ones if only because the trauma was so extreme. Keeping that in mind, here's a preliminary assortment of some really bad choices. Don't say you weren't warned if you choose to purchase some of these items for your nearest and dearest.
1. Tired Old Ass Cream. It claims to be effective for exhaustion but it doesn't say whose tired old ass it was made from. $10.95 (Wholefoods)
2. Vulva Balm. Not sure what its purpose is or why the manufacturer thought that it is a good idea for vulvas to smell like gypsies or jasmine.
(Though I did notice that there are no vulva-scented products on the market. So, perhaps that explains something.) $16.00 (Wholefoods)
3. Carbolized Mutton Tallow. It is made from sheep fat treated with phenol, a strong corrosive poison and a derivative of benzene. Mmmm, try slathering some of that on your chapped lips. $8.95 (Lehmans.com)
4. Pure Emu Oil. Made from real live (or maybe dead by now) emus. It supposedly thickens the skin and reduces the formation of wrinkles. The writing on the bottle doesn't explain how they got the emus to give up their precious oil. Can one actually squeeze an emu? However they get the oil, it probably isn't pretty. $17.95 (Lehmans.com)
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