Netfuxed

What is more innocuous than a couple of DVDs wearing small red jackets appearing every few days in the mail?

They seem a bit like leprechauns with magical powers and the ability to transport one far, far away from the madding crowd. (Or, at least one's own existential angst.) But like leprechauns promising undeserved riches, they can be tricky, too.

Because, they are also like potato chips, Chihuahuas and cabana boys and you can't have just one.

A while back genius friend, Mizz Lizz, introduced me to the expression "I'm a 1-out."

Meaning: To be on the 1-at-a-time Netflix plan.

To those of you who don't know what Netflix is: it is an internet DVD rental company which mails DVDs directly to your home. There are eight Netflicks plans meaning that you can rent up to eight DVDs at a time. What they don't tell you is the higher the number the bigger a loser you are. Your Netflix number is not information one casually tosses into conversation like nasturtiums into a diner salad. Much like a sexually-transmitted disease, it is a sensitive subject to be shared only with those who will not judge you. Being a 1-out is akin to being the Virgin Mary; pure and unsullied by the influence of too much popular culture. Whereas being an 8-out means that you are probably a chronic masturbator going cold turkey.

So, whatever your number, take heart. We're all friends here at The Gamut Absurd and I am in no position to cast aspersions.

Much in common.