A guy walks into a pizza joint, lingers for a time and then asks me and my friend who are both 15, "Is it true city girls are fast?" I replied, "I don't know about that but, is it true country boys fuck chickens?" So, yeah, I'm a mouthy kind of broad from way back when. And it is with that spirit that I approach today's Gamoo. (Which is fake-French if you had not already guessed. Lots of people speak fake-French which is kind of absurd. Since The Gamut Absurd loves everything and anything absurd, we like to pronounce it the fake-French way.)
Now that's cleared up let's move on, shall we?
Today's topic: Toilet Barbie.
On several occasions, I have personally witnessed Barbie using public restrooms and let me tell you, she is disgusting!
She does not courtesy flush, she does not flush at ALL and she does not wash her hands afterwards.
In London, I saw her in the ladies room at a very upscale restaurant. She was exiting the stall just as I was walking in with the young daughter of a friend of mine. Barbie did not pass go, did not collect $200, she just headed straight out the door leaving behind the remnants of what could only make a lumberjack proud.
Then just last Saturday, I was in the restroom at the Riverbank State Park. A woman came into the stall next to mine and promptly exploded.
I know, it's not nice to flush and tell.
But, if I were nice, I wouldn't be broaching this whole topic in the first place now, would I?
A minute later while I was washing up at the sinks I couldn't help but lift my head when the woman opened the stall door. Sure enough, it was Barbie. She went straight for her knapsack and her lip gloss. Which seemed odd to me since she had caused such a unholy ruckus only moments before.
What is it about Barbie that makes her look so clean but act so dirty?
Is it the life of privilege? The fabulous wardrobe? The luxury car?
No one knows for sure. But, should you see her and be an even more mouthy broad than I, please ask why she yearns to spread her e coli so liberally to the rest of us.
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