All-American

Normally the Gamoo does not comment on celebrities or bother to quote them because celebrity culture is kind of like the Pied Piper of Hamlin: it melodically sweeps up not only the hungry rats but also the the minds and hearts of the children and impressionable adults and they disappear into mediocre reasoning rarely to return. 

But, megastar Glen Campbell who has sold more than 25 million records during his career was on NPR's Fresh Air yesterday and said something which was so absurd that it deserves a second look:

"I don’t think I’m in the music business to, you know, try and save the world. Or to focus my opinion….That’s why they (the Smothers Brothers) got thew off CBS. They stepped over the line a little bit, I believe. That shouldn’t even be a factor as far as music goes. There’s a war going on. Well, you know, your life’s got to go on. There’s a lot of people try and get their influence to stop this and stop that. They’re not going to stop anything." 

Campbell was referring to the Smothers Brothers and others like them who used their talents and sometimes their celebrity to voice their political opinion in hopes of changing the status quo and stopping the war in Vietnam in order to save human lives and prevent further suffering and devastation to humans, animals and the environment.

It just goes to show that just because one slips on a cowboy shirt it doesn't make one a patriot.

A patriot isn't someone who just says "Why bother?"  But, someone who fights to improve their country based on a solid understanding of ethics. To put it in terms that a man like Mr. Campbell and his ilk might understand, here's Gene Autry's Cowboy Code:

1. The Cowboy must never shoot first, hit a smaller man, or take unfair advantage. 2. He must never go back on his word, or a trust confided in him. 3. He must always tell the truth. 4. He must be gentle with children, the elderly, and animals. 5. He must not advocate or possess racially or religiously intolerant ideas. 6. He must help people in distress. 7. He must be a good worker. 8. He must keep himself clean in thought, speech, action, and personal habits. 9. He must respect women, parents, and his nation's laws. 10. The Cowboy is a patriot.

If celebrities can do anything for the rest of us and actually earn some of the enormous sums they are paid, they can speak up to increase compassion and alleviate suffering on our planet. They can educate themselves on the value of civil liberties. They won't just love it or leave it. They won't move to another country in hopes of escaping reality here back home or the harm that our government has caused. They will be patriotic; they will speak up and do more than pose in haute couture on red carpets. Or cowboy shirts on album covers.

Image:  www.evolvefish.com

Truly Fowl

By now we all know how disgusting the American meat industry is. We've all seen the pictures of filthy factory farms with diseased animals being slaughtered and packaged for your next lunchtime Thai chicken wrap sandwich. But, who knew about the 11-year European ban on U.S. chickens? One of the reasons they ban our fowl? Chlorination. That's right, the U.S. bleaches their chickens to kill salmonella and other harmful bacteria.

 So, the next time your waiter asks, "Would madam care for a bit more sodium hypochlorite with her Coq au vin?" Just remember to wear gloves and don't drink that ammonia cocktail.

Really gives white meat a whole new meaning.

Two-in-One

For all those busy drunks on the run, here's a product that's both novel and convenient. Now boozers everywhere can travel with the frozen drink of their choice and when they're done, they can puke in the same container and just toss it away! No muss, no fuss!

Apocalypse Whenever

Ka-Boom. That's how many people view the end of the world: one very swift kick in the pants. Other people assume that this will not happen to them because they are better than all the other people on the planet and God loves them best and so they will not die. Still, others believe that certain people in far-off places will fight and kill each other while the rest of us stay home and watch reruns on cable. And there are people who think that if they wear a specially blessed red string around their wrist that nothing bad will happen to them. Some people think that their wealth will save them. And then there are people who believe that the rich will all be the first to die. Some people think that a little Armageddon would be a good thing because then their extraterrestrial savior will swoop down in a space ship and take them to another galaxy where they will live in a beautiful new Eden and maybe even be able to fly. There are also people who believe that if they just make lots of babies that their children will clean up all the messes that came before and they will be saved. Then there are those who think that if the human population is curbed that there wouldn't be so many problems. This sort of makes sense; less people=fewer problems.

But the chances of humans surviving the next hundred years or so probably has a lot less to do with mysticism, moral fitness or deitic (Yes, I just made that word up in this context so, don't use it in conversation with a college professor) favoritism and a lot more to do with dumb luck.

For example, it might be lucky if there were a plague. Oh, not a bad plague where people suffer painful, bloody deaths but, a nice, easy, democratic plague where a proportionally equal amount of people in each country just slip into a state of immense bliss and drift peacefully off to sleep. And then die. If such a plague wiped out about half of the world's population then we all might be stunned just long enough to forget about drilling in the arctic or blowing each other up with nuclear weapons or even just saying mean stuff about one another. But, the odds of this happening are almost nil.

Plus,  it wouldn't be lucky for the people who had to deal with disposing of all the rotting corpses with smiley faces. 

Putting the whole idea of luck aside, it would be a lot better if intelligence and mindfulness ruled the way humans do things on Earth.

The problem is, we haven't elected particularly mindful people to public office. And most people don't really care about the world's problems; they care about their own problems: their job, their fat, their children, their money. That's why there won't be apocalypse now. There will be apocalypse whenever; a little at a time in dribs and drabs. Kind of like middle-age spread. Until the end comes we'll muddle on, drinking too much caffeine and worrying about the little picture.

R.I.P. George Carlin

A clip from one of the last shows of the late and greatest curmudgeon this country's ever seen.

Just watch this if you feel like laughing. If you don't laugh we can all pretty much assume that you are still in utero and haven't finished forming yet. You only imagined that you were born and that you know something about life. So, stop messing around on the Internet and finish up in there already. 

Netfuxed

What is more innocuous than a couple of DVDs wearing small red jackets appearing every few days in the mail?

They seem a bit like leprechauns with magical powers and the ability to transport one far, far away from the madding crowd. (Or, at least one's own existential angst.) But like leprechauns promising undeserved riches, they can be tricky, too.

Because, they are also like potato chips, Chihuahuas and cabana boys and you can't have just one.

A while back genius friend, Mizz Lizz, introduced me to the expression "I'm a 1-out."

Meaning: To be on the 1-at-a-time Netflix plan.

To those of you who don't know what Netflix is: it is an internet DVD rental company which mails DVDs directly to your home. There are eight Netflicks plans meaning that you can rent up to eight DVDs at a time. What they don't tell you is the higher the number the bigger a loser you are. Your Netflix number is not information one casually tosses into conversation like nasturtiums into a diner salad. Much like a sexually-transmitted disease, it is a sensitive subject to be shared only with those who will not judge you. Being a 1-out is akin to being the Virgin Mary; pure and unsullied by the influence of too much popular culture. Whereas being an 8-out means that you are probably a chronic masturbator going cold turkey.

So, whatever your number, take heart. We're all friends here at The Gamut Absurd and I am in no position to cast aspersions.

Much in common.

Phew! (For now)

According to the New York Times,  the Associated Press is instituting guidelines on how bloggers can use their content. Jim Kennedy, vice president and strategy director of The A.P. says: "We are not trying to sue bloggers...That would be the rough equivalent of suing grandma and the kids for stealing music. That is not what we are trying to do." 

Since we at the Gamut like to make up and write our own news stories, we're not too concerned about being told to cease and desist from quoting AP stories. However, we do like to use photographs we find on the web which we credit whenever we know who took them. Sometimes they are AP photos  which we are fairly certain we could never afford to pay for. Since we're too shallow to actually read the new guidelines, we don't know how they may affect us and the fair use of their artwork. So, for now, we're keeping our sticky little fingers crossed.

Ol' Man Grumpus

Some grumps are cute and some play guitar, some are just mean and really old.

They Feel Pretty!

Preening and primping themselves as if they were going to the senior prom, democratic pols everywhere are scootching in their waistlines and examining their profiles in their bathroom mirrors to see if they have what it takes to be Obama's Right Hand Man (or Woman as the case may be.) We here at the Gamut (per usual, that's the royal we) would like to share some contenders we think are worth considering. Just about anyone who is not part of the old Washington rat's nest is eligible. (It doesn't matter if they are deceased, animated, scantily-clad or very hirsute.) As long as they have a winning smile and a youthful appearance they pretty much can't lose.

End of the Road

Looking as if he's ready to end it all on the campaign trail, Bill Clinton appears to finally understand what a total drag it is to be the spouse of a political candidate.

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As the Clinton campaign draws to a close there is much ponderous blathering about the possibility of an Obama/Clinton collaboration.

Though such a pair would surely be unstoppable, so too would the caricaturists.

If we thought we had it bad in the bad old days of Richard Nixon and Watergate, nothing will save us from the doodles of self-taught artists around the globe should these two decide to join forces.